Lili Daoud, LCSW

Name:Lili Daoud
Specialty:Social Worker—Clinical
Review:1 client review
Location:195 W Main St
Suite 6
Avon, CT 06001
Phone: 860-677-2991
Fax: 860-677-6178

Client Review:

1 client review of Lili Daoud scored 1 out of 5.

Called DCF when we tried to leave her
Overall Rating
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by GGmom, Dec. 06, 2015

This therapist called DCF to investigate us. The DCF worker asks my husband why I said my stepson “B.G.” eats like a dog. My husband lowers his face into a plate and asks “how do you describe this?” The DCF worker says “Eating like a dog. I don’t know why that’s on there.”
After talking to us, then to the therapist, the DCF worker dismissed the case without talking to BG until the mandatory 45-day follow-up.

How we got here:

For years, BG refused to learn basic behaviors like using soap, eating like a human, doing school work, and worse things that don’t belong posted online. We tried punishments and rewards, compliments and lectures, bribes and modeling behavior. Only yelling was effective. So we got him therapy.

One year and 1,600$ later, he still eats like a dog, etc and this therapist insists to me that our parenting (lecturing) is ineffective. Finally I demanded more effective alternatives, but all she had was “but it’s ineffective!” and we should stop. The kid is smart and not disabled, she insists, but we should *just stop* teaching the kid to use soap and utensils because it’s ineffective and makes him sad.

After BG stopped improving, we decided to stop seeing her.
At the start of the last session, she said BG’s depression was cured because one week earlier he said he wasn’t sad.
At the end of that same session, she said BG is a deeply disturbed child who will need therapy for life and will never be ok again. Because that day he was a “ball of tears” in her office.
My husband wanted to ask her about this, but she wanted to talk to my husband about how the way I spoke to her (the day I fired her) was unacceptable. She also said she didn’t need us and good luck finding another therapist, the wait list is a year. Then she called DCF on us.

Her therapy is a purist form of CBT. This means wrong thoughts, like catastrophizing, “should”s and value judgments (“stupid”, “evil” etc) are removed. But… “should”s and value judgments are moral values!  To her, ethics are a pathology. Unsurprisingly, she’s not a member of the APA, which is a set of voluntary ethical guidelines for therapists.

Her parents argued a lot when she was a kid, so she doesn’t tolerate disagreement. On her first session, I offered to work  my “shoulds” as they concerned BG, but she make it clear all my shoulds had to go or she won’t work with me. My father was a dissident in Russia -- his moral values made him shelter Christians from communists during the time of the KGB. My values are not so heroic, but they tell me it’s a mother’s job to teach her kid not to eat like a dog.

BG did not do any of the homework the therapist assigned to him -- ever. She says “He can tell you he’s going to do it but it doesn’t mean he’s going to do it.”  Disagreeing with her therapy is not ok, but simply not doing it is fine.

Our inability to disagree with her doesn’t stop her from disagreeing with and outright dismissing the diagnosis of prior therapists.

On the first session, she said she didn’t understand why anyone would go see the same ineffective therapist for years, just because that therapist was a nice person.
On the last session, she said BG needed a therapist for life because he needed a ‘safe space’ to talk about his feelings because he will never be fully healthy.
She became deeply offended when I asked if she was saying BG should keep seeing her for 100$ an hour just because he saw her as a friend.  “I am a professional! How dare you imply I am his playmate!”. I reminded her she told him she was his friend in their first session, which is why he thinks that. She said it’s all part of her therapy and “I don’t care what he thinks!”

She also told me she didn’t care about his behavior. It would have saved me many work days spent detailing his behavior (instead of working) if I’d known sooner that she really doesn’t care that he eats like dog, doesn’t use soap, or do his school or CBT homework.
She told me CBT needed to work on “specific things” so I spent a year telling her his behaviors. Then DCF got a complaint about my complaints.

At the time we both suspected he was autistic. (He wasn’t). I told her I didn't think he understood her parables. She said “I don’t care!” that he didn’t understand, that’s the way her scientifically proven therapy works.

The APA states you need to bring your disagreement to the therapist before filing a complaint with the APA (for APA members only). Don’t do that with her. She doesn’t like disagreement.

Still, I was willing to forgive her everything -- because I thought she was effective. After the last day of therapy BG became a normal boy, speaking in full sentences and using forks and spoons!

Then BG pointed out, as if it were blindingly obvious: “Haven’t you noticed I started getting better when Grammie died?” Grammie died a few weeks after we started therapy. Grammie had been telling BG that his daddy and I didn’t love him. That’s was why our parenting was ineffective.
 *We did not discover this in therapy.*

When my parenting is ineffective (because of Grammie) I should stop it and let his self-destructive behaviors continue. Yet when 1,600$ of therapy is ineffective and we try to stop it, we get a call to DCF.

She also has issues with engineers. She says they always find their way into her office with their broken marriages. I also felt judged when she told me, on the last day, that BG would need therapy for life and that I needed therapy, etc. I have never felt judged for needing therapy in a therapist's office before.

I probably need a therapist, but I doubt I will ever go to one again.

* this reviewer has be with this therapist for 6 months - 1 year
* this reviewer had 3 - 5 therapists before.
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